NO COMPLAINTS, NO DEMANDS
And I don't have any grudges, any complaints or reproach from you what-so-ever. I know you must be wondering 'why' after whatever happened between us.
I've my reasons.
Yes I was devastated. Yes I was shattered. My eyes were desolated of dreams, my heart was a haunted house.
But when it's all blind, love was always kind. Yes, it does offers reasons to leave life, but the same it does to live life.
I never stopped loving you. You were always with me, in me. Not a single hour of these eight months passed when I didn't think of you, when i didn't feel you, when I didn't fall in love, even more.
So what if you were no where found, you were always in me. Whenever I ride my bike, I feel you in the breeze going into my lungs. Whenever i drink juice, I feel you exchanging the glasses. Whenever I smoke, you share it with me. Whenever I made pegs, i felt you snatching the bottle and gulping it neat. Whenever I'm insomniac, I hug my pillow and feel you cuddling me cozy. Whenever I see cartoon movies, I hear your "Aw's". Whenever the door opens, I hear you paws. Whenever I hear Rihanna/Shakira, I see you swaying your body in the most provocative possible way. Whenever I come across naughty fat kids, I see you teasing them. Whenever my phone rings, I assume it's you. Whenever I see couples, you clutch my arms. Whenever my lips are dry, I feel you sloppy ones on them. Chocolates are always special as they went from mouth to mouth. And yeah, not to reveal though, but whenever I'm horny, I feel you raising my testosterone taking me higher into fantasies. You are always so near while cherishing our cherished Enrique's songs. I've trapped those wonderful times somewhere in my heart. Yes I have. I find you in my every smile and tear.
You know, I used to feel 'yuck' when you sipped black coffee. But now I love it coz I feel your aroma in its vapours. Same goes with curd and butter-milk.
After you left me, I'd stopped eating chicken coz you were strictly vegetarian and I was pathetic non-veg. But once it happened, I ate it again on friend's extreme insistence and swears and guess what, I loved it coz I again heard your browbeats for being an animal, a demon. And since then, I never thought of leaving it again as it connects me with you.
It was after you left, i learned to feel the music, the nature, the rain, the birds, the sky and the divine rhythm within. In quest of searching you, I found myself.
And you ask me to find someone and fall in love again??
'Love'! Is it that easy to find someone? Sorry, but I can't do it just because you want me to. It has to happen on its own accord. It has to hit us; make us spin topsy-turvy. Just like it did when I met YOU, when you met ME. Whatever happened between us, it was beautiful. I like this pain. This pain made me a better person (I suppose).
Yes, at times it pains. Then what helps is shedding of few tear or a few bottles of beer. I learned to revelry on the boulevard of broken dreams. And still I'm learning. And i never lost hope.
Ajeeb daastaan hai ye,
kaha shuru kaha khatam,
ye manzile hain kaun si,
Na vo samajh sake na hum......
I got separated from you, for you. So that you can be with the one you wanted then. But I never stopped loving you. When you were with me, then I loved you. When you decided to leave, then too I loved you. When I tried hardest and begged you to come back, then too I loved you. When your fate annoyed; you suffered extreme trauma, grief and mourning, and I led out my hand to hold you, then too I loved you. When you got together with someone else.......... then too.*sigh*. When things got worst between us and we even lost communication, then too I loved you. I experienced a new form of love altogether, The Unconditional One. And still today I love you, with every broken piece of my heart........ Truely madly deeply.
I can go on writing this on and on but I've to sum it up, coz you may feel drowsy if someday you read this. So in the end all I would say is,,
I loved you then,
I love you still,
I always have,
I always will,
till the end of sun's flame,
for 'YOU BEING THE DEAREST PART OF ME.......
.........as the asset of your name'